Maharet

I remember that night so very clearly. The night I awoke on the coast of Africa and freed myself from that stone coffin they had sealed me in. I was filled with a hunger I doubt any other could understand except for Mekare. Surely she had to feel the same when she finally freed herself of her stone prison. I do not know which hunger was stronger within me, the hunger for blood or my hunger to be with my sister again. I could tell she was nowhere near me. She had to be half way across the world from me by now. No matter how far she was I had to find her. I also wanted to find Khayman. I had to find out if they had chased him down. I feared for him, I feared what they would do to him for sharing the dark gift with us.

They had ripped out my eyes once more before they sealed me into that coffin but I could still see. Obviously it was not the same way that any other views the world but in a way that only I can understand. Perhaps it is best described as some sort of vampiric radar. Everything was traced out before me with a bright light. Still I wished to see what the world would look like through mortal eyes once more. I knew I would need this if I were to ever find my sister. So I began my search. I went into the jungle listening for the sounds of a village. I knew there was life around here and not just the life of the jungle creatures.

My thirst was great. With each footstep I took it grew greater. In the night with my sensation of site I viewed what seemed to be a large cat. In fact I had come face to face with a Lion. A creature I had long been taught to fear more than any other creature. As witches we did not fear these creatures as much as other people did as we knew we could communicate with them. Communication alone does not mean that you will not come across an animal that was unwilling to hear so we knew to beware. The beast began to circle me and I knew that there was a part of me that was in fear but it was silenced by the thirst. I became a beast just as this Lion was and it did not take me long to have it to the ground with my teeth buried within its neck. I drank the life from that creature and swore to myself that we would do the same to Akasha once I found Mekare.

After draining that noble beast of every life giving drop of blood I felt an invigoration as I had never before felt. I continued my search for a village. I must find a victim who could not only give me their blood but their eyes as well. I wandered the jungle for what seemed like hours before I found what I searched for. I stumbled upon a village that was silent in the dead of the night. I scanned the little makeshift houses with my sight as it was to find a young man sleeping beside one of them. He was supposed to be keeping guard but he was doing a rather poor job of it.

I ducked back into the jungle near where he laid and began to make some rustling noises. As I had hoped, he quickly rose from his slumber, grabbed his spear and slowly moved to investigate it. When he came within an arm’s reach of me I grabbed him and threw my hand over his mouth so he could not call for help. I whispered to him that I was sorry for what I must do but I had no choice. I knew he could not understand my speech but it made me feel a bit better for what I had to do.

As I held this struggling man within my grasp without the slightest difficulty I had to decide how to do this. If I drained him first and killed him would I destroy the eyes? Would they do me any good if I pulled them from a dead man? No I must remove the eyes first just as I had done that night that I hunted with Khayman and Mekare. I shivered at the thought of having to rip the eyes from a living person but what choice did I have? I needed true sight; what had been given to me with my transformation was simply not enough. So I set upon my task.

Quickly I pulled his eyes from his head and placed them into mine and began to drain him. I did this so quickly that I am not sure the man ever knew what I had done. As I drank from him I could see sparks in my new eyes as the blood filled my body and my body claimed the new eyes. It took only a moment for me to kill this man and when the life left him I dropped him to the ground. I turned and opened my eyes to look upon the world again with the eyes of another.

The jungle came to life before me in more glory than I had ever beheld before. I do not think there is another immortal in the world that cherishes our vampiric site more than I. No other immortal knows what it is to have these gifts without the blessing of sight. I vowed then never would I walk in that darkness again. I picked up my generous donor and carried him off into the night. I dropped him a few miles from the village to allow the animals of the jungle to take what they would have of him. I then began my never ending adventure of trying to find my sister.

Another year has come and gone. What does this mean to a creature of my age? Nothing to be honest. When you have seen over six thousand of them come and go they may as well be seconds passing by on the face of a clock. Yet, for a mortal, a year can hold so much of their lives within it. So much can happen: the finding of a true love, the birth of a child, the death of loved ones and all of the things that can fall in-between. I remember well my mortal years and all of the things that came to pass within a year’s time before I became that which I now am. Am I cold and unfeeling? Perhaps. Do you not think that this much time would make anyone become detached from the mortal realm?

Yes I still remain in contact with those that come from my blood. So very many have I seen come and go. Each one a speck on this earth but for a moment in time, living their little short lives as if they have all of the time in the world, when in truth only I know how insignificant their lives truly will be. In fifty years I will be the only person that ever knew they existed. That in it-self is hard. So many have I come to love and care about to only see them perish. They burn bright as if they were candles for such a short time and then they flicker out. All of these, my children, gone before me. Yet I still walk the face of this earth.

I remain the one true constant of this earth. Always alert, always aware, always me. True Khayman and Mekare have lived as long as I have but even they have given into the pull of madness or gone into the earth for the long sleep. I remain the only one to have never given into any of the perils that our kind tend to fall victim to. So I watch this earth. part of it yet detached, much as one would imagine the earth herself does.

I’ve watch mankind rise to great heights only to see it destroy itself yet again. So many these days think that they are above doing such a thing. They could never destroy their kingdoms again. How many times have I heard men say that over these millenniums? Every great kingdom that has ever risen has said that theirs will last forever, and truly believed it would. Where are they today? Some have been discovered, found in ruins. Others still remain secret and many no doubt always will.

Yet here I remain. No one, mortal or immortal, can imagine the pain that I hold within my soul. How I long for the days of my mortal youth. The carefree moments that seemed to last forever within my mortal heart. My heart, which has now become a cold stone untouched by anything anymore. When was the last time I felt true passion? It was so long ago. What is life when it holds no passion any more?

Surprised to read those words? Why would you be? Should I be above such things after all of my time? Would you be? Every moment of my existence I am privy to the thoughts and feelings of all of those that walk this earth. I know what passion can do to a person; I know the excitement that it brings to their lives. Is there a reason I should not want such a thing once again in my life? Should I be beyond such things? Tell me, why should I be?

I wish to take this time to thank everyone that has kept me company this year and wish them all a happy holiday season.

In this day of political correctness it’s hard to decide just what term to use to wish people a joyous holiday. One does not want to offend friends that do not celebrate your particular holiday but you do want to let them know you are thinking about them. You could make a list of all of the holidays that fall at this time of year but then you run the risk of missing one and offending someone by mistake anyway. So I guess the best way to put it is ‘Happy Holidays’. I think that includes all of the different religious celebrations. Then again you have those that do not celebrate anything therefore does this offend them?

I think it is almost impossible to say something such as this and not risk offending someone. None the less I shall take that chance and wish all of you a happy holiday season, regardless of what you celebrate if anything at all. I hope the New Year brings many joys into your life.

I look forward to seeing all of you at our Holiday Celebration on Affirmations Eternal, including our chat tonight at 9:00 p.m. EST.

This evening I stood on a street corner hidden beneath the shadow of a large oak watching a little girl. This small child was one of my lost ones. A descendant that until recently had been lost from my archives. She was playing in her back yard. She couldn’t have been older than perhaps four, maybe five at the most. Her mother sat on the patio watching this girl as she played, just watching and smiling. Inside of the house I heard the phone ring, her mother looked toward the door and then back at the child and decide whoever was calling could call back but these moments wouldn’t last.

This girl with the long blonde curls ran about her yard playing with this and that, studying the insects she would find in her well-lit yard. As she sprinted across the yard after a rabbit she had spied on the other side of the fence she stopped mid way and turned. She ran up onto the patio to her mother jumping up on her lap and wrapping her arms around her mothers’ neck and placed a kiss upon her moms’ cheek. At this moment I read the mothers thoughts. “This is what life is about.” These are the words that filled that woman’s mind, as the sensation of love flowed through her soul.

I thought to myself that this woman was the richest woman on earth. She could ask for no more than what she had at this very moment. As I am thinking this I looked about the yard to see the fence was all but falling down. I noticed the lights that lit the yard was those cheap little party lamps held together in places by that black electrical tape where they had been repaired instead of just replaced. My eyes then drifted to the home they sat behind. The house was finished in those old asphalt shingles; the screens were ripped and falling out of their place. The roof simply had to leak because of the condition of it; the sway in the pitch of it was terrible. The condition of the home actually made me fear for the two of them as they walked hand in hand into the back door.

Given all of this poverty that surrounded this woman and her child neither of them could imagine their life being any different. This woman would take one look at that little girl and think she was the luckiest person on earth. I lurked about outside of the house for a bit. I heard the woman read the child a bedtime story. She gave the child a single cookie, which the girl then broke in half and offered part of it to her mother. At that simple gesture from that child I could see the mother fighting back the tears.

As I spied on them I knew there was no other in the picture. There was no father for that child, no husband nor friend for the mother. They were alone in this world. I could not control my impulse to help them. I knew that there was a bank not far from here with one of those lovely ATM machines so I went on my way. I withdrew as much as that machine would allow me to, given the nightly limit on my account. I removed one of the envelopes from the machine and placed the money inside and returned to the house.

The mother was now sitting in the front room watching TV. I stood outside a bit longer as I read her thoughts. She was distraught, this I could tell without reading her thoughts. She had lost her job and was already two months behind on the mortgage payment and they were soon to loose their electric and water for non-payment. I walked up onto the front porch and opened the screen door as slowly as I could to keep it from making any noise and placed the envelope in the frame closing the door on the envelope. I rang the bell and stashed myself behind the tree in their front yard.

She came to the door and was confused when she found no one there. She then did what I knew she would do and opened the screen to look about a bit better. She noticed the envelope fall and opened it up. She dropped to her knees sobbing to God for sending her a personal savior. At this I couldn’t help but smile and think to myself that I am far from a savior or saint. She then spoke out loud; “I don’t know who you are or why you did this but I shall be in your debt forever, thank you.”

I shall leave word for my accountant to contact a company to have that house and property repaired and to find the bank that holds that mortgage and take care of it for her. He will be instructed to send a letter along with the title for the home telling the woman that her benefactor only requires that she love that little girl and raise her to know what is truly important in this world.

Do I think this will compensate for the lives that I have taken over these millenniums? No of course not, nothing ever could. I can only hope that because I have given this kindness to that family that they in turn will do a kindness for someone else and it will begin a chain that will hopefully touch many lives. If each person in this world would take one moment out of his or her day to do something nice for someone, even if it’s only a kind word, this world would be such a better place.

What were people like 6000 years ago? If you asked people that question today many would give you the “caveman” answer. People with little intelligence that communicated through a series of grunts and gestures, and went around hitting each other over the head with clubs. They couldn’t possibly be further from the truth.

At times I think we were smarter back then. We knew how to live off the land without destroying it. We communed peacefully with mother earth. Just how many of the mortals living today could survive if they had to on their own? How many would be able to grow and hunt their own food? Find for themselves the necessaries for life in the wild? Not many I would venture to guess. Some of the people that live in what we call “third world countries” could, but not all. Many of them have grown accustomed to depending on the handouts of the “civilized” nations. The great power houses of the world that play big brother and help the other countries survive instead of making them learn to survive on their own two feet. Very few of the mortals that live in the “Civilized” Nations could survive if they had to.

We were happy back then with what life gave us. We did not worry as people today do about keeping up with the neighbors. Material possessions did not make or break our happiness. We were happy to farm, to hunt, and to be at one with nature. No it wasn’t always a happy existence; war was an unfortunate part of life then, just as it is today. War unfortunately is a part of man; man can not exist with one another without there being war in one form or another. Today’s wars however are far more dangerous for everyone. We no longer meet on the battlefields to settle our differences; not that it was always done that way back then. Now though it is brought upon the innocents much more than in my time. Now if two nations feud they have the capabilities of destroying all who live on the planet.

We consulted with our gods and the spirits every day. They were a part of our daily lives. No decision was ever made without their input. Now the beliefs in the higher powers are fleeting at best. Many now believe only on the surface; it doesn’t touch their soul. They believe because they are told to, because they fear the consequences of not believing. They are taught that if you don’t believe then bad things will happen in the next phase of the circle of life. They believe without communications from the gods, which have long ago given up trying to reach them. If a man says he communicates with the gods then he is subject to ridicule and declared mentally incompetent.

Technology for all of its marvels has done nothing more than weaken mankind. Each time technology makes a breakthrough it ends up causing mankind to no longer be able to do things for themselves. I fear that this time when civilization destroys itself and falls, and it will trust me, mankind will be unable to survive. Will the earth reclaim herself from the wicked grip of man for good this time? Will another species raise up to take their place? What will happen to my kind if this happens?

I think I have taken care of everything and tied up all of the loose ends. My sister will tend to my duties and contact me if I am needed. She knows I have been waiting for this, for the time that I am with my Khayman again. We have allowed far too much time to pass since we were together last. In a matter of hours I shall be with him once again and we shall start a new chapter in our ancient tale. I was taken by surprise when I received his call and his request for me to come to him. We spoke of many things but the thing that stands out in my mind the most right now is when he told me of his latest activities.

My ever silent Khayman has joined others of our kind on-line. A place where many of us are gathered to commune with mortals. How in the world did they get him to agree to such a thing? He has never adjusted to the times with the ease I have, nor has he ever sought out the company of mortals. He is now trying to reach out to the world, there couldn't be a better time for it than in this electronic age. Even more shocking than him being involved in this place is that he keeps an on-line journal for others to read his thoughts. My Khayman has always been a private one, even when it comes to me, now he exposes himself in such a way, he has certainly changed. I shall join him in these endeavors, as he has requested, how could I not? Such a grand opportunity to speak to various mortals as well as my own immortal family. He knew I couldn't resist getting involved with this.

I hope by joining the others here I can be given the chance to rekindle an old friendship. Perhaps now Mael has had long enough to stew over the failed relationship between Jessica and himself to realize that I was only trying to protect them. I was not trying to hurt him, only protect them both. I knew it would not work out, I knew someone would get hurt, and a vampire scorned is not likely to forgive. Then I have two of the people I most love at odds with each other. Try as I might to make him see this he simply wouldn't, he could only see I was trying to keep him from what he wanted. I would think he has known me long enough to know better than that, but apparently not.

I'm not sure what Jesse plans to do now since I am leaving. I don't know if she plans to join me soon with Khayman, or if she is going to remain here. My darling Jesse has gotten herself caught between two very powerful beings. She is still so very young especially next to the two of them. She has only started on this journey of immortality and is only beginning to realize what I tried so very hard to tell her.

I must give credit to the lovely Cat crimson_beauty for creating such a beautiful layout for my journal.
Thank you so much.